Google search suggestions for "how to make..."
***NEW*** I'm feeling lucky search results included, with commentary...
how to make a website
The result of this search brings up a hideous yellow and blue website entitled "How to Create a Webpage" that SHOULD be called "the perfect example of how NOT to make a webpage," or maybe "If you want absolutely NO ONE to take you seriously, take your webpage-making advice from us!" After close examination, I realized this site is a fossil of the internet days gone by. The first piece of advice for making a website is "There are basically two ways to make a web page. The first way is to create the page(s) offline and then upload them to your Internet Service Provider (ISP) via FTP. The second way is to create your web page(s) online using a Telnet program by accessing your UNIX account, if you have one." It later referrs to Windows 95/98, and then to Netscape, the web browser. eh? This page is actuallly a decent resource for learning basic HTML programming, assuming the bright yellow background and flashing animated gifs don't give you siezures.
how to make money
Here we have Grizzly's "How to Make Money Online for Beginners" including the tag-line: "Don't let the stunning graphics and good looks of this blog fool ya'... if you want to know how to make money online... for free... without all the crap... do yourself a favor... get a cup of coffee and do a little reading... Griz." There are a few issues here. One, the blog lacks ANYTHING I would call "stunning graphics," or "good looks." Two... ok, honestly I didn't read it long enough to come up with a second comment. I skimmed through the part informing me that "The Crash Course is designed for beginners just starting out and you can get your feet wet for a buck - a token introductory price for a month just to keep the tire kickers and time wasters away." Then I did myself a favor... got a cup of something that was definitely not coffee, threw a buck in the trash, and went and hung out with some tire kickers and time wasters. It was definitely a better use of a buck than funding this site would have been.
how to make out
hahaha... this takes you to the WikiHow page on how to make out. I'm not linking to it because I don't want to give them any more traffic than they already have. Plus, half the advice is stupid and pointless, and you won't remember or need it once you actually manage to get someone to make out with you. (PS, if my little brother is reading this, you aren't allowed to make out until you are at least 21, hear me?!) I'll just leave you with my favorite piece of advice:
Talk. A little verbal communication will keep things interesting. It's not a good time to start a deep conversation. Just a small phrase in a soft voice will work (especially when accompanied by eye contact and a reassuring smile):
"Are you comfortable?"
"This is amazing."
"Wow."
hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
how to make a resume
This is boring. But so are resumes.
how to make french toast
Another WikiHow: "Have you ever wondered how to make French Toast? Follow these steps, and you will soon be basking in eggy-bread goodness." I had no idea that enough people wanted to know how to make french toast that it would be on the top ten list. I'm also surprised since french toast is one of the easiest breakfast recipes to make. However, apparently the WikiHow article has been visited 383,363 times, and it has an impressive list of almost 100 authors. Wow. The incompetency of the human race continues to amaze me. This is FRENCH TOAST, people!!! (or "freedom toast" as I prefer to call it) Dip bread in millky egg mixture. Cook. Eat. The end.
how to make a paper airplane
wow, who knew there were so many paper airplanes in the world...
how to make jello shots
This is boring. Who cares about jello shots. It did lead me to this cool idea, of making jello orange slices, though. :)
how to make sushi
Sadly, there's nothing to make fun of here, but don't worry because next we have...
how to make a diaper cake
One word: wtf?!
And now, a bunch more words from a messenger conversation I had with the boyfriend on this topic:
Burfelt says:
diaper cake?
JM says :
hahaha
yeah
that's what I thought
Burfelt says:
I mean seriosuly
JM says:
what kind of a nasty cake is that
Burfelt says:
I don't wanna know
JM says:
it's a cake-shaped arrangement made out of [unused] diapers, apparently
to give someone as a gift like at a baby shower
it's pretty much the stupidest thing I've ever seen
Burfelt says:
hahahahaha
JM says:
I've seen people make them out of towels, too
for wedding gifts
Burfelt says:
Thats SO stupid
Thats like the most insane thing I've ever heard
JM says:
look, if you want to give me diapers, freaking just give me diapers
if you want to give me a cake, give me a dang cake
don't make a CAKE out of DIAPERS
that's like the WORST of both worlds
you don't get a cake, and you have diaper-changing to look forward to
how is that a gift?!!?
Burfelt says:
diaper cakes
It's just plain wrong
I wanna be the fly on the wall in the meeting where that sounded like a good idea
(The link brings you to a YouTube video that will show you step-by-step how to make a diaper cake. The most impressive part of this video is how this woman manages to say the phrase "diaper cake" SO many times and keep a straight face.)
how to make your hair grow faster
well, if you figure this one out, you can sell it, and that will help you out with #2...
sadly, the result is just another boring WikiHow article.
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2 comments:
I got a diaper cake for my baby shower and I loved it! Free diapers are all ways good!
but wouldn't it be easier to just get a package of diapers, and then you wouldn't have to dis-assemble the "cake" and take all the little rubber bands off?
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